The 8 most common causes of divorce.

1. Loss of attraction

The most common cause of divorce is the loss of attraction: in other words, getting tired of each other. In the early stages of a relationship, there is often an intense chemistry between both partners. This phase is filled with excitement, curiosity, and physical attraction. However, as the years go by, people may lose interest in each other. The excitement that once existed can slowly fade, and partners may find that they need each other less. This feeling can lead to a weakening of love and curiosity, causing both partners to eventually decide that their lives are better off apart.

2. Lack of trust

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Without trust, there can be no real, deep connection. If this trust is damaged by one of the partners, for example, through lies, secrets, or infidelity, a crack appears in the relationship. Even if the situation seems to improve, there may still be feelings of uncertainty and mistrust. When both partners are unable to rebuild that trust, the relationship can no longer move forward. The lack of trust creates an unsustainable situation in which both partners no longer feel safe or valued.

3. Incompatible personalities

While it can be attractive to meet someone with a completely different personality, those differences may later feel like a challenge and clash as the relationship progresses. Partners who were initially attracted to each other’s unique traits may eventually discover that their personalities are too far apart. The constant clashing of opinions, preferences, and communication styles can lead to frustrations that are difficult to overcome. When it seems like there is no common ground left to build upon, it can accelerate the decision to end the relationship, especially when the tension builds in everyday interactions.

4. Another person or infidelity

Infidelity, in any form, is often the most significant reason for ending a relationship. When one partner feels emotionally or physically connected to someone else, it can destroy the foundation of the relationship. The feeling of being betrayed can cause deep wounds. Even if it’s not a physical affair, emotional infidelity or secret connections can create a sense of betrayal that the relationship cannot survive.

5. Different visions of the future

What people envision for their future is a decisive factor for many in whether a relationship will succeed. Career ambitions, travel plans, or the desire to live in another country can eventually cause profound differences. If both partners cling to incompatible future goals, this can put pressure on the relationship. When it seems that the differing visions cannot be reconciled, the conclusion may be that a breakup is inevitable.

6. Cultural or social differences

A fundamental cause: relationships between people from different cultures or social backgrounds can bring unique challenges. What one partner considers a given may be a source of misunderstanding or discomfort for the other. This can range from how partners treat each other to expectations about social interactions, the role of religion, or even how daily life is structured. Perhaps there is a disagreement about whether or not to raise children bilingually? When these cultural or social differences clash in a way that seems unsolvable, it can lead to a breakup.

7. Health issues

Long-term health problems and/or addictions can put enormous pressure on a relationship. When one partner is faced with serious physical or mental health issues, it can not only change the dynamics within the relationship but also how both partners experience the relationship in a broader sense. The care and concerns that come with illness can lead to feelings of frustration, helplessness, or even loneliness, especially if the other partner is unable to provide the right support. If the health issue begins to play such a large role in the relationship, both partners may grow apart, which can ultimately lead to a breakup.

8. Disagreement about children

The desire to have (multiple) children, or the lack of such a desire, can be an important point of disagreement within a relationship. While one partner may be excited about the idea of starting a family, the other may have no interest in it. This difference can lead to significant tension, especially if the topic keeps coming up and both partners remain stuck in their positions. When the desire to have or not have children is deeply rooted, and there is no room for compromise, it can lead to the inevitable decision to part ways, giving each person the chance to pursue their own future.

What now?

Ending a relationship is never easy, but in some cases, it simply cannot be avoided. By recognizing the causes that lead to a breakup, one can gain a better understanding of the dynamics of their relationship and the choices that are being made. If you have decided to divorce, it is helpful to involve a specialist. A family mediator can assist as a neutral conversation partner, helping you to make agreements about the future on your own.

Documents

• Code of conduct for mediators
• Standard agreement
• Complaints procedure